I cloned myself today. Again.
I know, I know, never clone yourself when you’re upset. Been there, read all the advice, but I was feeling lonely. I’ve just had a bad break-up and, yes, I know that’s one of the worst times and worst reasons to clone. I did it anyway.
And no, it didn’t go well.
The actual cloning was a breeze. CorpusCrispy delivered the new me and I paid extra for them to take all the packaging away. I learned that lesson last time, or maybe the time before. Those delivery bags are quite bulky and the protective sludge they put inside really stinks after a day or two. So, definitely worth the extra, otherwise I would have had to wait for the refuse collection day, which is a downer when you’re feeling down.
The new me was perfect and came out of the induced coma pretty smoothly. I mean, I had the usual hour or so of where am I? who am I? why am I naked? until the short-term/long-term memory stuff clicked in and new me was set to go. And by that time I’d remembered to look out some clothes. It’s funny how the simplest things slip my mind when I’m on a high.
A perfect clone. Up to the minute, which was the first mistake. Or the second mistake if you count number one as don’t clone when you’re stressed. Anyway, new me was like me-me of yesterday. I should have told them to truncate the memories to before the break-up. Thinking back, I missed that when I had previous new me done. Anyway, new me knew all about the break-up, which made for a seriously snarky conversation.
“You couldn’t leave it day or two?”
“Sorry.” It used to be weird apologising to myself. “I was feeling down. I just wanted to… you know.”
“I know. I remember.” New me picked at a pulled thread on his trousers. I… we caught it on the corner of the kitchen cupboard door last month – very annoying. “And I remember saying never again. Right? No cloning when I’m sad. Didn’t I say that? Out loud. In front of the mirror.”
“Suppose so.” New me is almost exactly like the previous new me, more than just a bit naggy. “But… you know…”
“The last new me walked out on me. I know. I remember. I…”
I nodded and new me nodded back, because we both remembered being so messed up by our last new me walking out. Just talking to myself in the mirror really doesn’t help with that.
“Sorry,” I said again.
“Sorry,” he agreed. “It was a bit much. Just moving out like that. And moving straight in with the new me before the new me…”
“Um.” I couldn’t help shrugging. “Got a text half an hour ago. The previous new me, and the new me before broke up this morning. I said previous new me could stay here for a few days…”
“So where I am going to sleep?”
Dammit. This was starting just like the argument before previous new me walked out…
Never mind. You’ve still got my account details, right? Great. Just trim off the last couple of days and do another clone for me, OK?
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This was written for the #BlogBattle prompt “Clone”.
Mark-Huntley-James 
Hilarious. In an awkward sort of way. So, which new me am I responding to? Guess it doesn’t matter. You all look alike to me. 🙃
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It was a lot more jumbled in my head when I “wrote it”, just riffing on the idea of why would I clone myself. At the time I had nothing to actually write on so I had to try and remember it until I got home.
It also draws on some of the themes I’ve been playing with in a half-written story of a clone on an undercover mission on a world of clones and two almost diametrically opposed views on how clones relate to their human source.
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There’s nothing better than a droll clone! A snarky one, though…. While reading this I was put in mind of the curse our parents put on us: “When you grow up, I hope you have a child just like you!” Humorous yet insightful, I also loved the name Corpus Crispy. I also liked the irony that the ‘new me’ was more like an ‘old me.’ Great job!
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My partner creased up on Corpus Crispy. I had to dash in to find out what all the noise was about.
(I sometimes think my middle name ought to be snark, but that would rhyme horribly with Mark, so probably best left well alone.)
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